Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize