i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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