I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Mom said you looked used
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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