This is not my ceiling
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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