There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
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she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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