p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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