My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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