I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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