I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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