There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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