it hurts more in the daytime
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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