I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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