I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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