I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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