she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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