The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize