What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
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Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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