If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize