things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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