This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize