I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize