That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize