remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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