I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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