Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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