omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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