Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize