Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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