I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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