At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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