I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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