i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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