Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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