Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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