So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize