guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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