12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
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you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
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I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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