he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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