i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize