The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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