Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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