I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize