umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize