True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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