I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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