My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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