: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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