Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize