Do you still have your period?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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