wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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